And I miss you

Today is exactly my maternal grandfather passed away 5 months. It was so random that I actually remembered the date 29. I decided to call home to let my grandma know that I am with her together in this moment of loneliness. Today my grandfather passed away 5 months and my grandma still misses him much. On the contray, I miss him dearly for there is not a single day that I don’t think about him regardless I am busy or not. I wish I could have a dream of his face or a conversation with him in my dreams. I thought my grandmother is coping well, started cooking and etc. But she is not into her daily chores. I totally understand why she isn’t cooking for cooking will remind her about him and etc. Her love towards my grandfather is deeply. Infinity words to describe her affection for him. If I was to be her position I do not know how well will I fare ? She is slowly becoming forgetful. I do not know why for is she lonely or signs of aging. As I hear her voice over the phone, my deepest sympathy goes to her. I can’t do much for I am in Sydney. I told her if the distance from Australia to Malaysia is 2 hours by flight, I might come back regularly to be at her side. It is during these time, that I want to be at her side. At times, I want to hug her, linger with her in the kitchen, drive her to the market while she does her chores, talking to her about the good old times when she nursed me while my parents are working, cooking my favourite food, shreading the chicken meat for the dog’s meal. Seeing my grandmother sleeping. I have 21 more day to my homecoming but after hearing all these news, I felt that I want to come home earlier. I know my grandfather passed away but his affection towards me is carrying me all of my days. I know he is gone but at times, I do feel the loneliness when I want express to him all the joy that I had (have) in Sydney. Before I came to Sydney, He was telling me so much about Australia. He could not visit the Sydney Opera House as it was under construction. Everytime when I come to visit him, he tells me about Australia. When I am in Australia, I called him regularly to check upon his dialysis, drinking water level, eating diet, mood and etc. I am glad that during those call, I managed to tell him about Sydney. Something that I really regret of not doing was I did not do Video Call with him when I was at the Opera House and Habour Bridge. There was one time (in Malaysia), I caught my grandfather asking my grandmother about me whether have I gone back home to or have I left for Sydney. At times my grandmother will reply to him that I am still in bed and he will be happy. That was where I realized my grandfathers love me much. Since the day I was born until 2006. I will get new clothes for the Lunar New Year. He always insists not on purchasing sale item. He is not fond of sale items much. Until now, I still keep ” my little girly dresses, the Amsterdam bag (“, the panda bear, the bunnies, Time Megazine, Stone engraving bangle from China, my black Levis jeans, my Swatch, a red packet of a certain amount of money (these are the last two presents that I received from him), he paid my flight ticket to Japan when I was a Student Exchange representing Lions Club Kuala Lumpur to Japan, my family picture with him and my grandma, the luxurious dinner at hotels to commederate celebrations, the poem Don’t Quit and etc. From all these much that he gave to me out of love and gratefulness, I bought him the Complete Works of Williams Shakespeare. It did not bother me whether did he read but I know he accepted it. That was my first but it will never be my last gift to him. I want him to know that every thought of him in my mind is my gift to him.