Selamat Hari Jadi!!!!!!!!!!!
May the next year be full of happiness and nice memories!
Ask many girls, maybe they are attached to either to their father or mother. Most of my male cousins are attached to the fathers and the female cousins are attached to the fathers. Exception for me which I am closer to my mother. I used to be close and attached to my father but not anymore..l=for the last 2 years (earlier or later). Today as I was driving and a thought was pondering me that nearly got me to an accident. To the situation now, is he a father or a father figure to me. He was once a father to me but now I don’t feel he is a father to me. As all parents, parenthood is not something that all parents get immediately when a child is born, is a continuous act of learning whether the child is married, with grandchildren or etc. When I was young he did most things like every father (parent) would do. To teach, nurture, discipline them and so on but when a child get older eg : reading to young adult. Discipline should be in the child on whether does the child wants to discipline or not to. Case studies – When you out a packet of Arnott’s Tim Tam (hard for me to resist) on table which is for me and my parents are happen to be in the couch. Of course they can say to me to either to eat it or not to eat but the main decision lies within me. I may not here their advice whether should I eat it or not because I have come to the stage whereby I should know and make my own decision. If I know I can’t resist the temptation – then I will use my self control. There will be a day where by I will have to hear to some opinions from them but if I choose not to listen to their opinion, then is an opportunity to see what happens. Of course I will know what happens if I listen , I will be safe. But who knows there might be something like the rough sees. My thinking here is almost similar to the thinking pattern of my aunt. A brief introduction about her. She is the middle child of my paternal grandma. The not so love child of the family, at times rebellious, do not listen to parents instruction at times and etc. She had breast cancer twice (on each side), a broken marriage. People though she might have a short life but things bounce. She survived, her cancer is on remission, has an organic business, selected to go to Italy for cooking and business. She had no paper qualification but she did it. I would love to have my life at her. At times I am rebellious but I know why I am being rebellious. My father tought me many things but not everything I have to apply. Listen, Understand, Remember and Apply. Some of the world’s greatest people are rebellious. They might not rebel to their parents but there will be some areas to which they did. Society look at the word rebel as a negative but it can be for a positive and a negative. I rebel my parents doesn’t really mean that I am negative. I would be really proud at myself if I rebel at them and I learn something new. They might choose to look at it negative but if they see that I am learning something thus is it something positive that is coming out of me. I can’t think of any rebellious figure either then Mao Zedong (Chairman Mao). I do not know much of him but I know there was something about him rebelling. At times, I would like not to rebel my parents. I would like to be the “Trim, Prim and Proper Daughter ” for them but if that is not going to bring me any benefit (not bringing myself to face challenge, not maturing me, not making my mind open then Why should I ). How do I learn to attack a crocodile in calm water. What purpose does it make if I spend a lot of money of buying an Omega Seamaster watch but I use it when I am swimming in pool. What criteria, mechanism of the watch am I testing. Now, I am not close at my father. They always instill me the skill of independence . Currently I am not fully independent on my own. I am still replying on them for financial support. 2008 will be my final year of financial support from them and 09 I am totally on my own. Honestly I am scared but it’s going to be a challenge. My father has his way of doing things and so do I. But by me trying to do my own way, open my mind and learn new things. Now I know I am not the only one for my cousin was in the same situation as me. I am glad for her. I feel so much better after talking and telling my frustration to her. Thanks !
I wonder why can’t the time in Malaysia tick faster so that the day moves faster and I am one step closer to flying. I can’t imagine the time now 1.00 pm. I was back for about almost 10 days but my body clock is still the time of Sydney. I had my lunch at 11.30 am (2.30 pm – Sydney time) and now 1.12 pm (4.12 pm Sydney ), I am sleepy. I can just drown myself to sleep. Why does each day is a drag for me. I failed to seize the day. I must be weird because I do not enjoy my homecoming except the time of spending time with my maternal grandmother. That was the best of all. I feel that I am not driven when I am back home. I feel that I lost my passion and no zest for anything. I am just swaying. If I was in Sydney but now, I might be going out shopping with friends, enjoying the Christmas decorations, going to the beach, staying at home looking out the amazing view of my balcony, sleeping. (it’s good), on the computer chatting with friends, cleaning the house, pillow fighting with him or etc. Here back home, I can’t think of anything to do. Majority of my friends and cousin are working. Seeing the dog reflects me. We are almost the same just that I am a higher creation comparing to her. She is restless, sleeping just like me. When can I find my passion again. Here I am sitting thinking how do I kill my time from now until the 11 Dec. Once it is the 11, the time will pass fast because from the 11 – 15th, I will be going to Hong Kong and I will be flying back on the 17 of December. 17th December come f a s t e r . . .
2008 will be final year of studies in Australia. I hope I will be able to leave Australia for Europe by the first 3 months or earlier to Europe. Only God will know which country I am going. Australia has been good for me during my first year. Hoping it will still be good for my final year. Today while reading the newspaper, there was an advertisment about Australia. Looking at those, reminds me of all the things that I would like to during my final year. I would like to climb the Harbour Bridge, take a drive around Sydney, horse ridding at Centennial Park, complete the Eastern Coastal Walk (Coogee – La Perouse), complete the names while watching sunrise, explore Blue Mountain, watch Phantom of the Opera, South Coast , drinking Hot Chocolate at Max Brenner and other things that I would like to do. To visit Melbourne – Phillip Island, South Yarra, Worlds Famous Coastal Drive – The Great Ocean Road, visiting Melbourne’s café culture at Degraves Lane, Hardware Lane, Acland Street ( St Kilda) and Hot Chocolate at Lygon Street (Carlton). Discovering Melbourne’s multi cultural diversity at Chinatown, Aegean delights at Greek Quarter, experiencing dining at Melbourne’s unique tramcar restaurant. Indulge my senses in Mornington Peninsula enjoying the storybook scenery, enjoy fresh produce direct from the farm gates, cruise with the dolphin, horse riding along sandy beaches, rejuvenation at Peninsula Hot Springs.Visiting Wetlands and unique wildlife on Phillip Island experiencing the Penguin Parade, see Koalas at the Koala Conservation Centre, go fishing at Rhyll Fishing Park. Take a ride on the World’s Oldest Steam Train at Billy Steam Railway and go skiing at Mount Buller and explore other things that Melbourne has to offer me. Next of my list is the Land of Royals and Sunshine – Queensland. Explore nature in wonder at Cairns – experiencing Sea Walker getting up close to amazing array of corals, fish and marine life, walk freely on the seabed. Finding the kid in myself at Gold Coast with themes parks. 4WD Coloured Sands (Rainbow Beach ) at Sunshine Coast. My second last destination is Perth. Sandboarding at Pinnacles, head to Caversham Wildlife Park when I can try feeding Australia’s unique native animal like kangaroos and koalas, take a walk along Kings Walk – walking among treetops along the Federation Walkway or enjoy a panoramic view of the majestic Swan River, soak in Fremantle with its bustling atmosphere of funky boutiques, trendy café, quirky markets, enjoy beautiful views at Cape Lavender (Margaret River). My last destination would not be complete without Northern Territory. Places that I would like to visit in Northern Territory is Mindil Beach Sunset Markets where its open air market is popular, marvel at the natural treasurers at Kakadu National Park with cultural and ecological treasurers, abundance of rare wildlife and magnificent waterfalls and a haven for birdwatchers. Go to Uluru- Kata Tjuta Sunrise and Sunset, explore Walpa Gorge with its unusual rock formation. During the late afternoon, travel to the sunset viewing area to witness the striking colour changes of Uluru at sunset. Ayers Rock, dining the sounds of silence dinner. An experience not to be missed. I can’t imagine dining under a million of stars on a gourmet barbeque of Australian delicacies and also the camel ride along Todd River in Alice Spring. Would love to take of the gentle ships of the desert to breakfast and see sunrise illuminate Uluru and Kata Tjuta. ( I would love to do everything that I wrote in Northern Territory at is very much of me).And the Australia is very much completed.
Whenever I bring myself to the swing, it flashes my childhood days when I always look forward to the swing when I am in the park. Remember the moment when either my mum or my dad will swing me for my legs are not long enough to swing me. To me the swing represent Freedom and Independence. The swing best explain my lifestyle and my concept. Yesterday, it was a perfect cloudy day with no sun and I decided to walk to the park. I was on the swing with my iPod enjoying the scenery and stillness or nature. Not long after that, young children came with their mother to play with their friends and etc. As I look at them, I realise they have nothing to think. They are still in the own nutshell of innocence. How I long for that. Playing with each other, telling secrets, laughter and etc. At times, I would like to turn the clock to this age of innocence but I have passed it. I cannot stay innocence and naive forever. What do I learn, What do I get ? What develops my maturity. To some Circumstances is their worst enemy but ever since I did not get the Meriton apartments, Circumstances is a teacher to me to hold on that the best is yet to come. Circumstances should be a friendship for it teaches and give us a positive outcome. It is during this circumstances shows us who we are, at what level we are content and etc ? Circumstances may not be a big thing but it can also be a small thing like. If we can handle circumstances for small things, it will then show how well we mange the bigger stumbling block in life. As I am in back home – Malaysia for 5 – 6 weeks, my circumstances is my parents because after a long while, we might have arguments and disagreement. Many people can advise but no one can do it for me. At times, I can be my own circumstance. The best way to look and handle circumstance is to ” Bring It On”.
I was so delighted that I could fly home. But my sadness was more than my looking forward to my home coming. Frankly, I miss my parents (but I can still survive it as times). I try not to think about them as I want to live independently. My last day in Sydney was a moment to remember. Every moment with him was never a bitter one. I could not sleep the day before as I stayed up gazing his face. I do not when I started loving him but I just love. I spend my morning packing while he woke up because I accidentally switch the air conditioner to a higher temperature (warmer). This is one thing in future that I should never do when he is sleeping. Prominte ko. I went out lunch with my friends and met him in market street. He is going to pick a scent for me just as how I pick Hugo by Hugo boss. He has that special touch when smelling Channel Chance and head off to other brands. The last 2 was either a Channel Chance or Estee Lauder – Pleasure Exotic. We bought Channel Chance for he loves the smell of it just as how I love it too. We went to Esprit for he wanted to do some shopping. We were suppose to go to Haymarket Esprit so that I can see what he is about to purchase on the Monday or the week. We did not go as time was not on my side. I trust his sense of fashion. Then all of a sudden, I don’t feel like flying back. This was the face that I had on my face that he knew I was sad. Upon reaching home, I was frantic, continuing to pack, getting ready and etc. I was so rush doing things that he asked Jake asked me to relax and asked me the normal travelling question. There was one scene, I could see sadness in his face. I was sad too for I am leaving him (temporarily) but I had to be strong inside so that I can encourage him (Doing that was a pain). I requested instant noodle and ate it at the balcony. Usually it is so easy to eat but today it was so difficult. I don’t know why all of a sudden I said I might not come back. By me saying those words, I sacred him. I guarantee you, that I am coming back. My cab called. The saddest moment of all moment. I had to face it. We hug each other. I did not want to linger in for I knew we were both end up tearing. Once the door of the cab was closed. ( I am tearing now that I am writing this). I teared immediately. I message him. I really like the message, that that he will always be there for me and he will find me wherever I am. I will always be there for you (ko) through good and bad times. I decided to call him and tell him everything that I needed to say. I was very transparent and honest with him. On board, I had 3 things with me. Eeyore, iPod, my pillow. It is my antidote if I miss him. Once I reach Brisbane, I called him. He was ill, I put a happy voice to cheer him up. But in reality I wanted to be there for him even if I can’t heal him. He wanted to talk to me over the phone but I knew it was it was though but I was happy because he had the thought. For it is thought that counts. My iPod was playing Farway – Nickleback. It hit me now that we are farway but I will be back soon. This was what inspired me to write this post. There won’t be a day that I won’t think of him. I did not watch the inboard movie, music or anything. I hope my iPod has enough battery until I reach home. Breakfast is about to be served. I ate Ski – Vanilla Cream. As eating, I was looking at the time in Sydney as he will still be sleeping and I will be making his coffee and my hot chocolate. The flight is about to prepare for landing and I am already missing him.
Today is my last day of class for this year, I am so happy. Finally I bid my goodbyes to assignment, assesment, activities, homework and etc. 2 more days, I am going back home to the loving arms of my parents. I am excited. Want to tell them stories, and everything that I did in Sydney. All the right and all the wrong. Enjoy the summer back home which is just nice unlike the blazing heat in Sydney. Eating all the food that I resisted for long. Going shopping spree, paying my respect to my grandfathers and elders. Sleeping on my mattress hugging Eeyore. Driving when I am free. (I will one day accomplish my dream to drive in Sydney ). Watching Satalite Tv (Star Channel, Discovery Travel & Adventure esp Europe), Star Sports ( catch up on Tennis and Football), Channel V and MTV (as usual) and Wah Lah Toi (Cantonese Series).
Flying to Hong Kong with my parents and my grandma. Enjoying the view of Hong Kong Harbour. Shopping at Causeway Bay. (Which was voted one of the best shopping destination list somewhere after 5th Avenue and etc). Dining Hong Kong cuisine. Celebrating my mother’s birthday in Hong Kong. A birthday to remember
Above all the joyous occasion with my family, sadness is my opportunity cost. I won’t see him, I cannot pillow fight with him, can’t see him when he sleeps, wont be in cozy environment when we are both on our desk, no watching sunrise, no grocerries shopping, no eating together and so much more other. Despite of all the things that I can’t do when I am away, I still have the memories of what we did together stamp in my memory. I cannot bring him but I can bring his second junior. Jakub Junior 2 – Eeyore with the scent of Dark Blue. In February 2008. I will be in the same situation again for he might go back to his home country.I do not know for how long but it is going to be long and I assume he is coming back to Sydney for work and in April he is leaving Sydney for home or Cambridge. To be a Cambridge Graduate is cool and I am glad that He is working towards there. At times, I wonder, why didn’t I move to Broadway and why didn’t he move to King Cross. If I say that I love somebody, will I go all the way or will I still love the person with wisdom inplant in my conscious. Will I go all the way to Europe earlier or (than the year which my family and I are going) and to Cambridge or ?. I am thankful that despite telling him that I love him, we are still able to share laughter, pillow fight and etc. I am glad that I told him rather than keeping it to myself. I was so closed of telling him those words yesterday but I just could not so I wrote what I wanted to say in Chinese Character. I need more courage. I want him to know but not asking him anything in return, Loving someone needs sincerity and honesty.
Point blank at 9.36 am on a Thursday Morning (15.11.07)
