Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I was doing my assignment. Suddenly I feel like listening to U2. I truly love and adore U2 and Coldplay. They are my greatest band. I find solitude and peace upon hearing. Even the lyrics calms you down. I like from Beautiful day, I still haven’t found what I am looking for, stuck in the moment, one, city of blinding lights, elevation, all I want is you, october, vertigo, with or without you, where the streets have no name, sweetest thing and this is my favourite – Sometimes you can’t make it on your own.

Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough

You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I, that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need, I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk
I’m sick of it all 
Can – you – hear – me – when – I -
Sing, you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone…

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go 
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it 
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

29.05.09

The season that I am in is a real carousel. I would like not to have this. Can I fast forward this stage. Take it to your face. No! I am not quitting but its human to think of quitting. Today is my maternal grandfather’s death anniversary and I remember our moment of Don’t Quit. You are my angel of perseverance. You are never dead in my life.

Maybe I am never good enough for you

You know me for 24 years and you will still know me until one of us go first. Maybe I am all to blame for the situation. Whether you call the situation of misunderstanding, miscommunication, lack of communication, carelessness, unspecific instruction I know you are waiting patiently for the climax point of my life whereby I am no longer from you. When that moment comes, what I had achieved, achieving and hope to be achieving is never good enough of you.

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Just one of those days

Sitting on my chair looking, holding my notes thinking that I was reading to prepare for tomorrow’s exam got me thinking that I am in an Auto-Pilot mode. I have been like this for nearly 2 hours. I am physically awake but my brain is hibernating despite I was working. I hate the weather now whereby you don’t feel like doing anything but sleeping. Even if, the hours of sleeping is enough to last the whole day, the 8 hours is still not enough.

Glass of Water

I am hanging in there. I have 1 more month to class and assignment and exam and I am done. But things won’t be done. Thing will only be done when I am not longer in this realm. Thats like a long more time. Even though studies is done (or thinking ) , I have to look for a job, PR application and things. In one more months time, my parents will be here. We all know parents coming here is a good and bad things. I don’t know to think of the good or bad. If I only think of the good then I am not getting ready for the bad. Perhaps, I will thinking of the worse possibility outcome or just don’t think at all. I am worried and soon to be terrified . . ( I realized that my previous post and this is gloomy . If only I can see my future in a glass of water. 

Glass of water – Coldplay

Scared of losing all the time
He wrote it in a letter
He was a friend of mine

He heard you could see your future
Inside a glass of water
The ripples and the lines
And he asked 
Would I see heaven in mine?

That is just the way it was
Nothing could be better
And nothing ever was

Oh they say you can see your future
Inside a glass of water
The riddles and the rhymes
Will I see heaven in mine?

Son, don’t ask
Neither half full or empty is the glass
Cling to the mast
Spend your whole life living in the past
Going nowhere fast

So he wrote it on a wall
The hollowest of halos
Is no halo at all
Televisions selling plastic figurines of leaders
Saying nothing at all
And you chime
Stars in heaven align

Son, don’t ask
Neither half full or empty is the glass
Cling to the mast
Spend your whole life living in the past
Going nowhere fast

What are we drinking when we’re done?
Glasses of water

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Sequel and future

I miss reading. Each day I have to carry my notebook to class. It’s damn heavy. I wish for the mac book. It doesn’t matter what mac book but they are still way much lighter than my Toshiba. I remove the battery and carry the adaptor everywhere. If you read my previous post, I am trying to find time to read. I found time. I will usually reach my home after class around 5 pm. Put my notebook home, change to something comfortable and take my book and walk myself to Starbucks QVB to read. I will be there around 7 pm. That is approximately 2 hours or lesser if I talk to shift working partners. I did it yesterday and today. I feel much better. Reading is where I find silence in a turmoil world. Now is the mid of May. Everything will end in Jun. Perhaps the longest that it could delay is to July. August 09 to 2013 and till forever is going to be a challenge for me as in mental, physical, financial and spiritual. Now with the current economy climate and how the Australian Federal Budget is going to affect people  from job to immigration is just terrifying. Somehow, I find myself slipping into the shoe of QLC. Can someone reduce the speed of this train . .

Life in the 20’s is fun but its often a confusion in or within a carousel.

The same dull and boring thing..

Sorry for not posting such a long time. Today is one of those days. Once more, I sigh ! Sometimes, I wish if time could free. One second ticking is scaring me away. There is just so many things to think and do. Such little time to do.My vibe, my muse is hiding within me because I have not done the things that I long for. I have not been reading and writing on a regular basis. If I have one spring day off, I would do all the things that I like. There is so much thing to think about. Thinking and worries never ends. It either entwine or add more. It rarely disappears. I don’t know when was the last time, I went cinema. I figured it out. It was on my birthday 30.11.1984.( I need to sit down jotting what are my hobbies) Can’t remember when was the last time, I had alcohol. At times, it is good. I wake up, eating breakfast in front of the computer doing assignment, prepared to go to class, come back home feeling tired, hit the computer checking email, facebook, shower and once more eating dinner in front of the computer. Can’t remember when was the last time, I walk to Darling Harbour. I only talk to my circle of friends when I am working, and friday nights and sunday church ( this are only the days that I do not talk about assignments). I feel revived when I go to church on Sunday and then I lost my muse, radiance, shine, laughter on the weekdays. After Jun, there is tons of things to think about. All I hope is that I don’t crash. It seems that I have much common to my little cousin in UK. Sometimes, I think I am my greatest nightmare.

Silence = Audit

Here, I am at home sitting in silence. Oh, I love silence. It makes me audit, think, reflect and ponder on thoughts, life and anything. I really like the ambience now with Coldplay playing See you soon  as the background. My aunt and my cousin is out for church and I came back from church. I am glad that I am at home early. I went to bed at 3 am and I woke up 7.45 am. I am a morning person. I don’t have problems waking up in the morning if I had less than 8 hours but I find it extremely difficult to wake up if I had 9 or more hours of sleep. The silence of the house and limited lights passing though the house keeps me still. I ponder upon the message of church this morning. A couple of weeks ago, I had to make a decision. I  did not want to do because both of them are not something that I wanted. I placed the other decision slightly higher than the decision that I did. I was in the situation of God, Parents and myself and my life. It took me such a long time and tired crying because I did not want to honor my parents. I did not want to follow their decision because I wanted to do my own life and choose which one makes me happy. Never the less, there was a night when I was doing devotion with my aunt and cousin and I felt the peace of God rested upon me. God did not tell me what to do and God gave us wisdom to make our decision easier. Before the devotion, I told my parents that I would not take their decision. (The decision that I had to make was Friends or Family). When I said No to my parents. I felt bitter within me and I know that was not right. On the night of the devotion, I told my parents that my decision is the same with papa and mummy’s decision. I do not know what was doing but I just know I had too. Ever since that, I found my smile. Before the decision was made, I was sad, neutral, happy but not deep. It was just temporary. Today sitting down is church listening to the sermon was hard as the temperature was cold. The pastor shared a life experience that was related to mine. At the end she concluded this, this mother’s day, I would like to thank God because I clearly remember that it was a Saturday and I was 21 who wanted to go to party but I felt God saying to me to sit at home to watch television with my mum. She said ” I hesitate, but I did it and all blessing came”. She ended her message by ” This Mother’s day, Honor your parents. I was sitting down there knowing that I did the right decision even though I was reluctant at the first time and I am having the blessing now. Now, I understand that God’s promises is never void when it comes to honoring parents. Donna Crouch’s sermon was titled bitter to better. To make it better remove the I from b’I'tter. 

Mummy, this verse is for you

Proverbs 31:26-31 - “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

To my Father and Mother

Exodus 20:12 - Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Proverbs 1:8 - Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.